either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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