hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well you can't waste a boner
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
