found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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