drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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