im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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