It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
