HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Blood and glitter go together right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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