I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
