I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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