I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
