Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
