Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
