How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
