He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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