i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
