You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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