we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your dad touched me again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
