I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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