No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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