I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
