Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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