it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
