sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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