why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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