Don't you send me to vm
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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