I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
