I cut my penus on the lid.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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