Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We're facebook friends in real life
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
