are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
