She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
