I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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