Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You are a genius and a whore.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
