the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
