Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
