This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i think im in europe. pls send help
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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