So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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