I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
