those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
