Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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