im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
