Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
