guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize