okay pat passed out under dana's car
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
