Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
