no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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