My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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