i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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