He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How's work?
Spinning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
