just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My cat gives me a boner
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My ATM looks so different sober.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
