Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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