very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Say something about gay babies.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
