Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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