You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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