So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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