Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
