my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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