dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
