Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
