So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
