I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
