some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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