My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
