Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
