Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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