I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
