hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
