this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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