also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize