so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
